Barfleet Protocols - Alert Levels
The smooth operation of a Starship or Barbase requires many interlocked, interdependent functions to be carried out at a moment's notice by the ship's crew. Realizing that this was nothing but a silly pipe dream within Barfleet, we abolished the old system of ship status (green, yellow, and red) in favor of a new, more appropriate system. Our goal was an alert system which would produce a performance incentive among the crew, allowing us to actually get things done once in a while. The new system was adopted within days of our rebirth, and has proven more than adequate on numerous occasions.
Beer Alert
The lowest alert level, Beer Alert is sounded whenever any situation occurs which the duty officer feels unable to cope with. This may include personal feelings of anxiety and guilt, but is usually reserved for external stimuli.
During Beer Alert, all on-duty personnel and uninvolved conscious crew member are alerted to the increased alert level by a visual signal (all compartment and corridor vidscreens produce an image of an amber-colored ale), an alteration in the ship's on-board lighting frequency (all light panels currently active change color to light amber), and a repeating auditory signal (the sound of a pint glass being filled from a pressurized tap). Any crew or guests who might feel like they want to head for their duty stations are welcome to do so. Specific systems preparations include:
- Unrestricted access to all on-board beer taps, including Emergency Taps and Reserve Beer Systems.
- All functioning engine and weapon systems are brought fully on-line and prepared for use.
- Dejector Shields are powered up to standby levels.
- Yukon Torpedo bays are loaded with standard yield torpedoes.
- Somebody should wander into Auxiliary Control and turn on the lights.
Rum Alert
The middle of the alert ladder, Rum Alert is sounded when some actual danger or un-casual activity threatens the ship, crew, or party supplies. This can be an enemy vessel, a raving lunatic roaming the corridors with a pair of scissors and a paisley scarf, or an overdue shipment of controlled substances. During Rum Alert, all on-duty personnel and uninvolved conscious crew members are strongly asked to go to their duty stations. Any really necessary unconscious crew member are awakened and also asked to go to work. The crew and guests are made aware of the increased alert level by a visual signal (all compartment and corridor vidscreens produce an image of the Bacardi Bat), an alteration in the ship's on-board lighting frequency (all light panels currently active change color to a rich golden brown), and a repeating auditory signal (the sound of a Jamaican steel drum band). Specific systems preparations include:
- Unrestricted access to all on-board rum and cola supplies, EXCEPT Colonel Bacardi's private Pyrat stash.
- All functioning weapon systems are test-fired at local targets to ensure functionality.
- Dejector Shields are brought up to active levels.
- Party Marines are awakened, given anti-hangover pills, and ordered to stand around and await instructions.
- The Designated Helmsman is summoned to the bridge.
- The most sober officer on the bridge (with the exception of the DH) is asked to take the weapons console.
- A frantic and impassioned plea for aid is prepared by the duty officer, to be sent on wide-band subspace in the event of an actual emergency.
- The On-Duty Commanding Officer is expected to come to the bridge.
- Spare undergarments are prepared for the bridge crew.
- Specially-designed, fully motion and impact resistant Drink Holders extend from all system consoles, allowing all duty personnel to have both hands free for action.
Tequila Alert
The Abandon felt that since a Jet Fuel Alert was to be used only in the most dire of situations, there was a need for an alert level for those situations that are more serious than a Rum Alert, but where conditions have not quite reached the level of extreme emergency. This alert level is also perfect for those situations where a commanding officer is in need of a little help with convincing a guest that removal of clothing is necessary. The crew and guests are made aware of the increased alert level by a visual signal (all compartment and corridor vidscreens produce an image of a bottle of Jose Cuervo), an alteration in the ship's on-board lighting frequency (all light panels currently active change color to a soothing orange), and a repeating auditory signal (the song "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"). Specific systems preparations include:
- Unrestricted access to all on-board tequila supplies
- All functioning weapon systems are test-fired at long-range targets to ensure functionality.
- Dejector Shields are brought up to active levels.
- Issue of Type I Dazers to all crew who have demonstrated weapons proficiency
- Party Marines are awakened, given anti-hangover pills, and issued Type II Dazers with orders to shoot to "tease"
- Floor space is to be cleared on the bridge in case of the Colonel's arrival
- Bridge crew are ordered to remove all undergarments to prevent potential injuries during the emergency
Everclear Alert (deprecated)
Since the discovery of our beloved Jet Fuel in the Chicago Cluster, the Abandon no longer feels this alert level is appropriate. Instead, we have replaced it with a more appropriate alert (see below). However, some ships in Barfleet are still using this alert level, so we include it here for completeness. We assume that eventually all of the ships will realize the superiority of the ordnance discovered in the Chicago Cluster, and all the current stores of Everclear will be exhausted and replaced with Jet Fuel, at which time this alert will no longer be used in Barfleet. Until that time, however, system preparations are identical to those described in the Jet Fuel Alert, except that Everclear is used instead of Jet Fuel when dispensing medical supplies.
Jet Fuel Alert (aka Condition: Overload)
This, the highest alert status aboard a Barfleet vessel, is only invoked during the most dire emergency conditions, or when a need for excitement strikes the duty officer.
During a Jet Fuel Alert, all ship and/or station personnel and uninvolved conscious guests are required to begin drinking and frolicking like there's no tomorrow. Unconscious, celibate, and abstaining guests are scowled at unpleasantly and made to feel silly. The crew and guests are made aware of the increased alert level by a visual signal (all compartment and corridor vidscreens produce an image of a bottle of Jet Fuel), an alteration in the ship's on-board lighting frequency (all light panels currently active change color to a really bright argent), and a repeating auditory signal (the sound of Barbase Columbus Captain Thesser saying "Remind me never to drink that stuff straight from the bottle again!"). Specific systems preparations include:
- The breaking out of all alcohol and controlled substance stores.
- The addition of Jet Fuel to all beverages produced aboard ship, by either Medical personnel or replicators.
- Issue of Type I and II Dazers to everyone aboard, whether they know how to use them or not.
- Issue of Type III Dazers to Party Marines.
- Party Marines are ordered to wander the corridors aimlessly, exerting proper influence wherever needed.
- All non-lethal shipboard weapons systems are aimed inward and fired indiscriminately.
